Misery Loves Company…

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Ask and it shall be given unto you,

Seek and ye shall find

When you get to the end of your rope

C’mon over and visit mine.

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Just a silly little ditty, I don’t know where it came from really, it just popped into my head. My mind likes to make rhymes sometimes, so don’t worry, it’s just wordplay. I like the company aspect; think how much happier we could be with the constant availability of perfect company! (… see what I mean? : )

Anyone else with useless and nearly-hidden talents, or silly wishes that will never be but do seem to have some practicality? ( Maybe I should write nursery rhymes. Do you think there are career possibilities there?)

~ Lily

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Life: It’s all in the execution…

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Life: It’s All in the Execution…

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Seize the day

with its time to do everything

your way.

But alone is not what you wish,

alone

is not what you crave,

as you sip your organic T

missing the L.C.,

watching couples

in step,

some

lovers an arm’s length apart,

trudging

bickering

with sneers–

how much time

how many years?

A family with

tag-along kids:

mother

shrill, impatient

dad

head down

and you wonder

do they know

do they know what they have?

What they might salvage,

what they can save?

Appreciation

strained,

selfish is a state of mind.

But aloneness

is an execution

stayed.

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This month… may you find love or keep love, cherish love: reap love.

~ Lily

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Love Poems towards Valentine’s Day

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Implore Deux
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How could we
have been made so Loving
if not meant to Love?
It only stands to reason,
I nod to God Above.
And flailing, I seek my purpose,
restless and loveless both.
I wonder at how much grace I have,
and how much Hope.
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Noir 
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Tell me a story from your life
she said.
There is nothing to tell
said he.
I didn’t Live
until I met You.
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Ice
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Subzero
I should not be walking.
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Taut
my skin my face
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Sear
at the fingertips
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Walk fast walk fast
pick up pace.
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Snow hardened
on evergreen
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Like crystal
like lace,
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Warmth
in my little heart
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Smile
on my winter face.
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Christmas Cooking…

 

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First I scrub the small round red potatoes

let them sit in a colander

Christmas card messages

dancing in my head

melt butter

slice in onions, cook until glassy

slightly browned

why

does he say he misses

my smiling face

when he is the one who

forfeited my smiles?

Slice and layer the potatoes

seasoned white sauce

grated aged cheeses

snip fresh herbs atop

ignore the texts

for the time being

from another who is intriguing

but too persistent

too everywhere

and inconsistent

when I need

reliable and

my own time sometimes

to make potatoes au gratin

on the way to Christmas

as busy-ness intersperses with loneliness

as children come and go

we dash

to gatherings, parties, dinners

then I regroup to contemplate

my myriad fates

while singing to myself

Auld Lang Syne

the potatoes smell divine

I take them out early

anyway

to finish baking

Christmas day.

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Hello dear friend.

I hope good things

come your way.

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~ Lily

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Update.

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One

and the days are so busy

the nights are so long

dark lonely

quiet

but when I wake

there is morning

warmth

morning light

filtered through white curtains

shadows dashed

hopes resurrected

one

day

at a time.

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It is a wet grey day today, but somehow the gleaming dark wash of the street and the stalwart bare trees seem fresh and reassuring. It just goes to show that perspective makes the difference between dreary and cleansed, sometimes. And, as I am an anachronistic Romantic of sorts, this day and this weather reflect my mood. I could be dreary, but I am not. I could sink into the greyness, but I don’t. I feel the wash of the rain, I feel the rinse of the old and the dust, and the chance for something new.

I spent part of Thanksgiving with friends and loved ones, but part of it was necessarily solitary. I needed to be Thankful in my own way, away from the gatherings and feasting, and away from the shopping crowds converging upon the big-box stores like ants towards a bit of fallen fruit.

I went to a park where families and couples were walking, pushing strollers, biking alongside helmet-heavy young riders, or running or rollerblading in black spandex. Pausing to watch and smile at these passersby every so often, I read. I read a book, cover to cover.

Sometimes I choose to read historical or non-fiction books for learning and information.  Other times I read classics and fiction in order to go away, to vacation through the eyes and experiences and thoughts of the author whom I’ll never even meet. I’ve done that literary traveling for as long as I can remember. The challenge is to find a very good book. Its pleasure for me is escapist but also the satisfaction serves as a base for viewing the world, my world in relation to the world out there. It ‘evens’ me, if that makes sense. My far flung and wide-ranging artistic emotions settle down as my world-view stretches. It’s as if I gently allow more of the world in, and that calms me.

When I am feeling as calm and at peace as a restless soul can feel, I tend also toward grateful and prayerful. When I pray, it is to an always-present supreme being who knows me, but I don’t know Him (?) as well, or perhaps not as well as I should, or so it seems to me. I feel held, but as if in a fog or expanse of universal space, as if outer space and the whole of the universe is pulled close, but as a feeling inside. Imagine there is an invisible blanket– soft, warm and cozy. I pull it as tight as I need it and feel comforted. Alright, I’m sure I’m weird and I’m sure most of you know this by now, so let’s just move along…

I re-centered myself, that is the main thing. I thought: “Yes, you feel alone sometimes but you’re not really alone. You’re not sure of exactly what to do, but you know you’re gaining strength and re-harnessing creativity; you are becoming. You are becoming more your true self.  Maybe that is preparation for something, or maybe it simply is as it is meant to be.”

With that “Onward” attitude in hand, I met a friend after work and we laughed and talked as the time zipped by.  Coincidentally, I was invited to a party that evening near where my friend and I were meeting. When she went home to her husband and children, I went back and forth in my mind over whether or not to stop into the party. I hadn’t planned to go as there would be many people and I wouldn’t know them. I am reserved as you would expect, at least at first, but I do love meeting people and hearing little bits about their lives. Once I decide to attend anything I summon my confidence (a remnant from my youth) and have a good time.

I hadn’t been home since early morning but driving all the way home and back to change clothes would take too much time, I’d be too late. The unfortunate side of that is that I wouldn’t be able to change into something dressier or to do my hair or makeup for the party.  I would therefore look like someone who had ambled in after a long day, not someone who had primped to be fresh and festive. But, I do wear a smile well. I had that, anyway.

I also had my re-adjusted attitude. I felt content and I wasn’t looking or yearning for anyone or anything. I felt like I was fortunate to be able to go where I pleased, to smile and exchange a few kind words with other souls on this earth.

I felt good, and happy.

My gumption and I went to the party.

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I hope all is likewise fine in your life. How are you faring, these busy days?

~ Lily

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Love and purpose…

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I was talking with a friend at Thanksgiving. She’s a bit older and told me that considering her age, she is getting to feel that it is best to be accepting of situations and be as happy as possible, in a kind of reverent stoic monastic way. It was kind of odd to hear this coming from someone who appears to be very social and happy, but we don’t always know what others think of their situations, until they tell us.  She said God gave her this lonely fate and must want her to be this way so that she moves closer to Him, when He is her company and comfort.

My view? I am all for faith, and being close to God. Without prayer and hope and answers in my dismal times, I honestly don’t know where I’d be today, or If I’d be today.

However, I also believe that we were given talents, made in “His image and likeness” yet each of us unique and valuable, “a piece of the continent, a part of the main.”  I am meant to use my gifts and talents, and you, too, in your own special way.

I was made loving. I was made nurturing. Those are qualities that are meant to be shared. So, I won’t relinquish any hopes of Love or a truly loving relationship with a man I’ve yet to meet, out there in the universe somewhere.  And of course, kindness too is meant to be shared with others:  friends, co-workers, neighbors, even strangers along my path (you know what I mean, if you’ve been reading here for any length of time : )

Whatever your talents and gifts, be grateful for them, put them to good and honorable use. That’s how the world becomes a better place. That’s how lives become better.

See that sun up in the sky? Imagine it smiles down upon you as it warms you. See the trees and flowers you pass every day? The clouds tumbling by? They are for you. Enjoy, each day, as you make your way through this world. Yes, this world can be harsh, but that’s why we are not meant to be alone, and why we are meant to be kind to one another…

or so is my own personal philosophy. Feel free to borrow or acquire it, anytime, especially if you need to cheer curmudgeons in your midst. Do you happen to run into such resigned souls in your holiday travels, or is it just me? I think that they secretly want me to cheer them. There is no mistletoe up as yet, no eggnog nor caroling, so I do my best!

Wishing you peace, happiness, and of course Love.

~ Lily

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Upon finding photographs of Christmas past (*updated)…

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Photos of candlelit Christmas rooms

exquisitely trimmed tree,

garlanded mantle and window tops,

wreaths, nativity,

stockings hung with care,

broad smiles, you can see

playful merry children

celebrating happily.

And now

the room is gone and so the scene

set so perfect

so it seems

tied together with gossamer,

pine for happy them and me,

if only

that could be this year’s gift

under the Christmas tree.

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I have never in my life had the Holiday Blues, and yikes, we’re not even to Thanksgiving!

Hmm. The hustle and bustle and relative tussle can be disquieting, I know. Are you happy no matter what, or how do you cope, if not?  

I’m thinking:  I should have coping mechanisms on hand this year!

I give thanks for all of You who stop in now and then! Enjoy your family time, your good food, and be thankful. Gratitude is such a wonderful quality, and hey we at least have each other out here in cyberspace. : )

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Thanksgiving hugs,

and May Visions of Sugarplums Dance in your Head!

~ Lily

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* Addendum: I should probably say that what made me melancholy and prompted the writing of this poem is that I am looking at happy family photos, but I’m divorced so my family is therefore asunder, which makes me feel sad for my children at holiday time.  I am looking forward to celebrations nonetheless and had/have lots of invites for holiday dinners and travels, not to worry.  Thank you all for your concern. : )

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