Go out into the world with your wits and your gifts …Posted: November 7, 2012
I wrote this early yesterday and posted it last night, briefly, then took it down because the election returns came in and it was strange timing. I didn’t want it to seem that the election prompted this post. No, I was restless before election day, though elections tend to make me uneasy. I don’t like to see my country so divided.
But otherwise–it could be the season, moving into winter, into the cold. Winter is a time to feel cozy and warm at home as the winds and snows ravage outside.
Or, it could be because I stayed where I am now for people who are no longer in my life, in one way or another. I’m here for a man whom I loved but who was too selfish to love me, and my kids who are far away but happy in their own lives and their own places. I keep the home fires burning for them, but they seem not to need the warmth from here. I need it, I long for it, search for it. If it’s not here… then maybe I should seek it elsewhere.
This is what I wrote, yesterday morning:
I am thinking of moving, somewhere faraway, maybe even to a different country. This is a recurring thought in recent weeks, not sure why. I’m not running from anything, or to anything either. It just seems that a change of scenery might be good. It may be a good idea to go now, before I am too entrenched in my present place. Maybe I’ll do mission work or join a nunnery. I feel I need more purpose, more giving. Currently I do volunteer work for four organizations, and I like that, but nonetheless I don’t feel particularly connected. I have friends (virtually all are married) and good neighbors, but they all have their families. My family is not nearby. I’m just kind of writing my thoughts here, not sad but reflective and at the same time I am trying to look forward.
Or maybe I should stay and keep being involved, hopeful. Maybe I need more time to put down roots, really try to be a part of this place. Roots stave off loneliness, in some ways. I am all for the concept: Bloom where you are planted. I think I do that, have done that.
Stay, or go?
Has anyone out there up-and-moved out of the blue? How did it work out?
And where? Where would I go? Where would you go, if you could go anywhere?
Thank you and happiness to all,