Breathe. Love.

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OK, I’m snapping out of it. Or, slowly emerging from my post-funeral “funk”. I find I am a person who needs to step back and breathe now and then. Mood re-calibration is not always instantaneous.

Yesterday I went out walking for hours. I had a couple of errands and so walked with some purpose, and then I walked with no purpose except to breathe in the beauty of the world.

I looked up into trees, because I love tree canopies, so many twisting but sturdy branches and the tender refreshing greenery of new spring leaves. Ahhh. Birdies flitting and singing, light alighting here and there, and then there is the tree bark, textured, rough. Sometimes I touch it as I stand staring up into the tree. Sometimes I touch a leaf, paper thin and soft, or heavy and glossy. This might appear loony to passersby but I am beyond caring about such things; beauty keeps me sane, I am sure of it. Pity others who hurry by without seeing beauty and taking it into themselves.

There were many dog walkers out, and many of the poor doggies wore coats much too warm for the weather. I must have seen at least fifty dogs and their masters. (Yes, who is walking whom? Sometimes it is hard to tell.) Not one dog walked with more than one person. Hmmm. Makes me wonder how many lonely people get dogs instead of people. Dogs are easy to love. They are easier to manage emotionally and ask less, emotionally.

I found a small heart-shaped slate stone, dark grey-black with a white line like the beginning of a crack or the sewing of a small seam. I don’t look for heart-shaped stones, they just are there sometimes when I look down.  For instance, when I got out of the car at the cemetery there was a heart-shaped stone at my feet, all by its lonesome on the blacktop road. It looks to be carved out of granite, and is near perfect, precise. It has a heft and a strength to it, though it is small.

I like to believe that I’m being told that Somebody loves me, or something along the lines of:  “Keep on, tender heart,” but of course I have a vivid imagination and it is better to believe that one is anonymously loved than to feel unloved. If there is a connectivity to the universe then what better way to feel connected than to feel love? What better message from a loving God than “You are Loved”?

And, loved regardless of frailties, confusion, sadness, pain, and regardless of starting life as if over again…

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14 Comments on “Breathe. Love.”

  1. David says:

    I’m so glad you’re starting to feel better:))

  2. sending love & healing your way. Have a blessed weekend!

  3. Heart-shaped stone… Sounds like a sign to me.

  4. lily says:

    Heh, yes, or so I wish to think. Happy birth day to your beautiful granddaughter, Maggie! I hope she got your sweet genes : )
    ~ Lily

  5. The hearts presented to you are certainly a sign. Observe the signs, they are everywhere. Sometimes I am so engrossed in the myriad signs around me, I’m oblivious to everything else. You are very well loved Lily, and you have angels all around you, and new friends who you have found connections with ❤

    • lily says:

      Thank you <3. I do feel very well loved in the universe and embraced by beauty every day, but in my everyday life I am lonely and stayed in a lonely marriage for decades, which makes me long even more for romantic love, I think. I am trying to be patient. Thank you so much for the encouragement, and for sharing your heart(s). ~ Lily

  6. I once found a paper thin heart shaped shell along the beach. I am certain it was God’s gift of letting me know that I am loved. I picked it up and glued it on a small wood box that I keep treasured notes and things in by my favorite chair. You too are much loved, Lily and I know God wants you to feel it. Hugs and blessings to you my friend.
    Joy

    • lily says:

      Yes, it is so wonderful to find hearts and to feel loved! Your little box of treasures sounds beautiful. In it there is always hope, too, I imagine. That is such a good thing to have on hand.
      Thank you for the hugs and blessings, and I likewise send some with you to your beautiful corner of the world.
      Wishing you happiness,
      ~ Lily

  7. Mona says:

    Those stones are important. Collect them. Hold them. Let your fingers feel the smoothness, the roughness, the cracks and crevices. They will help.

  8. lily says:

    Yes. They do. And in the mishmash of moving, such things were moved with care, along with the photos and lovingly handmade gifts of my children. I have my priorities and my treasures. The gifts of the heart are the best : )
    ~ Lily


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