Driving myself crazy. (no, not really… well, at least probably not…)

.

Life exists on so many levels, from superficial to deep. On the surface, I am dealing with the brainless day-to-day trivialities that we all deal with.  For instance, I had my car in to be serviced two weeks ago. I asked: Is there anything else it needs, while I am in here? Are you sure? Then, Saturday night, I (for reasons unknown) honed in on the corner of my front windshield and noticed that the inspection expires. Today.

I’m sure there is a reason why I couldn’t have had that done while I was last there, other than that I did not notice, and neither did the guy who was putting on new windshield wipers. I was spoiled the past two years when he said, “By the way, you are due for an inspection. We can do that while you are here.” Why do I not keep track of such things?

The thing is, I have to drive to another city to get it done. OK, technically I don’t have to. I could find a place closer to where I now live, but as I am rather car-illiterate, I trust this garage and have been going there for years. Do I want to take a chance at another? (I imagine: “We can pass  the inspection for you but you’ll need two new tires… and a carburetor, ma’am.”) Or do I spend four hours to go to a place I know and trust?

Hmmm, well, you already know the answer: I go with trust.

Beneath the surface, the larger and looming questions of life (*especially regarding relationships) are not so easily remedied. Or, maybe they are and I just have to let them evolve and calm. The tricky part is, my actions or inaction directs the course, and sometimes I just don’t know which choice is best.

Yes, I pray. I get choices. Which do I choose???

Sometimes I think: “I am sooo indecisive. Someone must be developing my decision-making skills by making me choose.  Either that or the petty instances of my little life are left to me, because Who could be bothered with all of this junk?”


.

Implore.

.

How

is it an answer

to be given choices?

I can’t see which to choose.

Chances–

Do I give them?

Or do I take them?

Indecision cannot be a gift,

Can it?

Unless it is a way to bide time,

Cultivating confusion

Amidst the denseness of my mind

Wherein so much already flourishes:

Moss, soft fallen wood,

powdering rust to the touch,

gleaming stones

napping beneath

a trickle of childlike stream,

tender birch copses and

tangled roots,

Thickets,

Wherein birdsong

Lilting

forest leaves covered

in dew, every shade of green

Every shape of blade and leaf,

Gentleness

Might pervade if not for the

Wants and anxieties

Hiding amongst the bougainvillea.

Honestly,

I am verging on

Wisteria.

.

.

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18 Comments on “Driving myself crazy. (no, not really… well, at least probably not…)”

  1. jazfagan says:

    Lily, no you are definitely NOT going crazy! You, like a million other women who are car illiterate get taken everyday by ***hole mechanics. Feel no shame in being smart by going with what you know…of course there is always that philosophy of living on the edge, taking a chance and all that crap….but why buy a new set of tires just because a neanderthal says you should (how long did it take them to even invent the wheel in the first place LMAO)….Go with what you know, instincts are very rarely wrong and when they are see rule one. ^ I am always right^ LOL Peace Jaz

    • lily2u1 says:

      Thank you for the reassurance, Jaz! I am good with the inconsequential decisions, but the more important ones (as in those pertaining to relationships) are soooo tough sometimes! (I amended the post *there.) You’re right, follow those instincts, nudges, and the little voice inside…
      Peace back at you, as always! ~ Lily

  2. “Gentleness might pervade if not for the wants and anxieties Hiding among the bougainvillea. Oh my, I always think I want more choices and then I can’t make up my mind. My life often seems like Wisteria going every which way. Nice to know someone else feels the same way.
    Joy

    • lily2u1 says:

      Confusion loves company; it adds to the confusion ; )
      Seriously, thank you, Joy! It is always good to know that even in dark tangle of thoughts and decisions, we are not alone.
      ~ Lily

  3. Welcome to the Indecisive Club, where everyone is trying to figure out what to do next 🙂

  4. irfriske says:

    Maybe more like you are driving yourself to learn how to trust “you”. Getting out from underneath the ideas and suggestions of others of what “they” lovingly feel is right for you, to find the truth of what truly “feels” right for you in all situations. As beautifully as you flow words upon the page!
    Cat

    • lily2u1 says:

      You are right. Absolutely right about having to trust myself. Wait until you read my next post; you’re going to feel darn near clairvoyant, Cat.
      Thank you for the compliment, too.
      ~ Lily

  5. free penny press says:

    I am a creature of habit too. If you can find people you trust,especially a car mechanic no reason I can think of to change it. regarding relationships, I would like you to maybe read the comment left on my poem by the name MIMW2.. He made me really think..again..
    🙂

    • lily2u1 says:

      Yes, I feel good to have my car properly inspected. I did read that comment on Sunday night. I was alone in my marriage, and I hope I won’t always be that way. Oh I am fine and dandy as far as keeping myself company, volunteering, socializing– I find myself very busy these days — but ideally, I’d like to be in love, given a choice.
      ~ Lily

  6. janinevasta says:

    Imagine a life without choices Lily? Like others, I feel your own wisdom already holds the key. Trust. Trust yourself. The desire to act is strong. Still inaction like indecision, for a while, can be good. I use the back burner quite alot. Or sometimes I need to make a decision. Declare it, and only then do I really know if it’s the right one. After all, a woman’s prerogative is yours for the taking. Take it! Jxx

  7. David says:

    You know…being indecisive implies that you see other paths and alternatives…I find myself stuck in circles quite often…I really love the last four lines of the poem

  8. lily2u1 says:

    That’s true, that is a good way to look at it, David. I do have other paths and alternatives, I am not stuck. Thank you for that.
    I’m glad you like the ending. I do like the bit of wordplay there.
    Well there is the trickle of a stream in this poem, so a little water anyway.
    Happy writing and happy week!
    ~ Lily

  9. kyllingsara says:

    Just dropping by with a hug. It’s been a while.

  10. Enjoyed this (“on the verge of Wisteria”–wonderful!) and I especially love the photo…cars, not so much…no longer own one, no longer drive.

    Just KEEP GOING!, Lily!

  11. lily2u1 says:

    Yes, I consider being carless. It would work… much of the time!
    I’m glad to hear that you are spared the expense and the bothers.
    Still on the verge of Wisteria, here, but always happily, somehow : )
    Wishes,
    ~ Lily


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