The Dating Game…



As many of you know, in my post-divorce phase and haze, I moved to a city. When dating the man whom I dated on and off for a year, the location was convenient. Also, I did think it was good for me to have a change of scenery. If I had to leave my home, I may as well look forward, as opposed to mourning, right? Right. Or so I told myself.

Yet, at this time of year when I should have my knees to the ground and my hands in the soil, in my garden, it is not so easy.

But, as it is Springtime, and along with the rest of Nature, I naturally think of new beginnings, and carry on…

In some of my times-off from dating, I have gone to movies, lectures, and concerts by myself. I can be captivated by any of those things, and to be in an audience is to belong, even in this very small way. To be part of a group watching a movie, with mutual laughter or tears, is something, though mutual interests might be limited to attending that movie and wanting to go out on that particular night. Music, lectures, art– there, the common interests might run a little deeper.

But–and you knew there was going to be one–who wants to go out alone all of the time?

Yesterday evening I had walked to the market, in glorious late-afternoon sunshine. I breathed in the fresh Spring air and colours. The white apple and pear blossoms against dark buildings; tiny purple violets at sidewalk’s edge; and bursts of pink tulips, golden daffodils, and grape hyacinths made my heart sing. Or at least hum.

I talked with a friend, via telephone, and my children called (bless their dear thoughtful hearts). I don’t yet have friends in the place to which I’ve moved, but I do have some good neighbors.

I considered going to a movie but the only possibility was a long drive away and I had already missed the early show. Instead, I curled up with a good book. I drank a lot, of Water, which I crave. It always seems to refresh me, whether drinking it, viewing it, showering or walking in the rain.

I took a break from my book and stretched and worked out with weights for a bit. I ate a few pistachios from my market jaunt (if you must know, since I am giving you a play-by-play of my boring evening).

Even long past midnight, I was still wide awake. Sheesh, it was Friday night. Alone on Friday night. I was used to that in my marriage, but I don’t have to take that anymore. So I thought … maybe I should try online dating.

What do you think? Crazy and unsafe, or do you have a friend of a friend who met the love of his life on Plenty of Fish?

Just wondering.

I am generally ultra safe. I try to tell myself to risk a little, so as not to miss a lot of life. Sometimes my self talks me into being more daring, sometimes my self implores me to be cautious…

Where is that fine line?


Have a happy weekend, all!                                                                                                                Enjoy your springtime, your traveling, your birthday, your writing, your family… whatever you’ve got cooking in your life this weekend!    ~ Lily



20 Comments on “The Dating Game…”

  1. terry1954 says:

    for me it was unsafe. i met a few men at coffee shops. none were what were portrayed in their pictures. some wanted someone to heal them , some wanted sex only. one i talked to for six months, i learned was actually a woman, so i just pray now that when god is ready for me to have a mate he will open that door. i hate not having a companion, but i would rather b safe and alone then to be in danger with someone. that is just me, maybe others have had success

    • lily2u1 says:

      Hey Happy Birthday!!!! I hope that you have a beautiful day today!
      Hmm, the perils of online dating certainly played out for you. You’re right, it is better to be safe, if there are only choices of safe, or not.
      Thanks, Terry! Have yourself a Wonderful birthday weekend! Flower up! ~ Lily

  2. irfriske says:

    When in doubt don’t, trust your instincts, do it if it feels right for you cause your in the mood to meet someone. Think about it if it is just because you don’t want to be alone, or are aware of being without. YOU are a fantastic, open, loving, sharing, caring person. Honor that, trust God, the Universe, your Higher Self to guide you through each moment. You can feel what each moment feels like. All of your cells talk to you daily ….TRUST YOU!

    • lily2u1 says:

      Thank you, Cat! I am trying. I got myself to move on, finally, and I feel good about that, just… on the lonely side, currently. But, I think my trajectory, towards moving forward, is right : )
      Happy weekend! Hope all is still well and centered and calm with you! ~ Lily

  3. free penny press says:

    A few years ago (2 yrs after my divorce) my GF tried to get me to do the online dating routine.. it all seemed off for some reason..I am a loner by nature and to blatantly put myself out there for a stranger (and from what I heard, that website is the worst) for men looking for sex, a free ride ($$$) etc..Needless to say I never did it..So might I suggest you look for a “Meet-up” group..they are all over (google whatever you like to do, say writing)..I know quite a few people that met their current partners that way.. Less pressure, meet in groups and enjoy a common thing..
    I’m single too and get lonely as well.. sometimes I cry.. but I also know I will not go fishing for the purpose of a partner….Listen to your whisper Lily…

    • lily2u1 says:

      Thank you for your input and suggestions, Lynne. Yes, I do keep an eye out for local Meet-ups, and have been invited to a couple (sports I don’t do). For some reason, they have been very specific and I haven’t quite fit them (Atheist, Gay, New Mother, Psychic, Bikers…) but I’m sure it is just a matter of time, before I either find a suitable group, or become a biker… or maybe psychic…
      Happy weekend! ~ Lily

  4. pinkagendist says:

    No more crazy and unsafe than real life! I’ve met lovely people on the internet and not so lovely people in person. Stick to meeting in public places for a while, though. I had a fling with a lovely guy who I met online, it only lasted a few months, but was quite nice. I have no regrets.
    I’ve also made some terrific internet friends, who don’t even mind that I say the word terrific 😀

    • lily2u1 says:

      Wait, what is wrong with “terrific”? Not that I write it often, but if it is a word, I might at any time use it. I must have missed the memo on that one, P.A. It probably came while my life was on ice for a couple of decades…
      Anyway, thank you for your internet-dating opinion. For some reason, the women around here are not too keen on the idea, whereas you are more at ease with it. Maybe guys are less likely to fear bodily harm? I don’t know, but it is good to hear differing views. A few months is a fairly long fling. I myself have recently flung my fling of about one year, then. : /

      Hope your project is going well! ~ Lily

  5. I met my husband in church….sat behind him one Sunday and he found out who I was and asked me to sit with him the following Sunday. I am a bit old fashioned perhaps, but there are many singles groups in churches and it is a good way to get to know someone new before you go out on a date with them.

  6. lily2u1 says:

    Wow! What a wonderful way to meet a husband! I don’t know as I have even Seen any single men at my church. Maybe they go to services at a different time. My church doesn’t have a singles group, but they must have singles. Somewhere! : )
    All in good time, I’m sure.
    Happy weekend, Joy! Thank you for your optimism, and for the very happy Love story! (It gives me hope!)
    ~ Lily

  7. janinevasta says:

    I’m out of my depth here Lily 😉 But I know you’ll know what to do for the best.
    Take care,

    • lily2u1 says:

      I can’t imagine that there is anything too deep for you to imagine, Janine, only some things to which you would perhaps not stoop : ) Warning taken, thank you my friend.
      ~ Lily

  8. What about developing a hobby or interest and joining a group developed to that? It would be a way to not only meet a prospective companion, but also friends.

    • lily2u1 says:

      Yes, a good idea. I have many hobbies, tending toward solitary pursuits; I should perhaps find a group activity. Perhaps a summer hiking group…
      ~ Lily

  9. Love the photo of burdock…a perfect analogy for ‘the dating game’! I’ve given up on that…in 11 more days, I turn 66, and am used to being alone (and am never lonely!).

    A for instance: because I eat only when I’m hungry, I did not have to wake up and cook breakfast for anyone. I made my pot of coffee, ran through internet news sites…and went into my studio to paint for a while (I’m applying thin glazes to a 20″ x 24″ yellow magnolia I’ve been working on). Last night, I watched “The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus” on the internet (–FREE movies!) and went to bed to continue reading Frances Mayes’ “Under the Tuscan Sun” until about 10 PM. If that sounds boring to others, so be it…but I had a great time!

    As for online dating…Lily, please be very cautious! Better to meet someone through a church group…or perhaps…through an episode of serendipity?

    Have a beautiful Sunday!

    • lily2u1 says:

      Well your life sounds very lovely. I do many similar things, actually. I think that I feel the way I do in part because I had such a long lonely marriage, so I am anxious to fill my heart and my life, now. I am truly used to and appreciative of my own company, though probably it is not as wonderful as your own company!
      Do you know, I found heart stones all along my walk the other day. I probably will find a dear-heart that way. (… a poem…)
      Many tender thanks,
      ~ Lily

  10. Gee Lily, You know what a stick-in-the-mud I am, but I hope all the best for you. I like the idea of the Meet Up Group. I know Indianapolis had 177 different meetings last week.

    Be encouraged!

  11. lily2u1 says:

    I am trying to find a hiking group. That would be up my alley, or hill or valley. Thank you, Stephen!
    ~ Lily

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