Of Crashes, ipads, Costs, and Romantic Overtures…

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My computer crashed last night. I have to say, it is a rather frustrating and disconnected feeling to suddenly have nothing working onscreen.  At first opportunity, I ran (well, not literally) down to the computer store and voila, things are up and running again. Going into the computer store was like entering the bridge of the Starship Enterprise. Ah, technology. Can’t live without it, can’t live without it. (That was not a typo.)

I’m thinking of getting an ipad. Anyone have one? Anyone have any ipad opinions?

In other worldly news, I received my car insurance renewal, and because I moved to a city, the premium is HUNDREDS of dollars more! Egads. I drive a fraction of the amount I used to, I walk all over and sometimes take public transport. That does not matter, says the insurance company; only the locale matters, and I am more likely to have… break-ins, fender benders… pedestrian or moped or shopping-cart collisions.

I did consider selling my car. Think how much money would be saved on insurance, on gas! On car washes, oil changes, maintenance of all sorts. New windshield wipers — that’s what I next need, in addition to a car wash. Actually, before I moved to the city, I washed my own car, and waxed it, and vacuumed it. I am no wimp. OK, I am a wimp, in some ways, but I like to live simply and I don’t like to waste money.  (Sorry, I guess this was a minor rant, venting about the cost of auto insurance…)

As for the romantic overtures, the man with whom I broke up wants to… amend his ways. Is that possible? If he is contrite and remorseful, do I give him the opportunity to try again, or rather, do I give us the opportunity?

Anyone who has been reading here lo these last three weeks or so knows of this, somewhat, but to briefly recap: the main reason for the breakup, from my standpoint, seems to be that he, being single forever, is so used to his own ways that he seems selfish.

Now that I am on my own and breathing a bit, I can tell that I was initially too accommodating, which was my own fault and gave him too much leeway to call the shots in the relationship. So maybe it is not entirely his fault that we always did what he wanted. Maybe I should have been more assertive, but I can’t help that I am sensitive to other people’s needs and wants, it’s how I am. It would be good if he could clue into my needs and wants, a little. If I have to often tell him what they are, it makes me feel selfish.

However, I’m not used to having much of a say in such matters, and that is another thing that is not his fault. I should have a say, of course. There are two people in a relationship, two opinions, two viewpoints, two sets of needs and wants. (It’s easier when the needs and wants are the same or similar, of course.)

Is caring and consideration something that can be taught? If he is not accustomed to that, can he get used to it, if he really wants to, or is it a lost cause? I feel I should be grateful that someone is so enamored with me and my little idiosyncrasies, and maybe I should try to be more patient…

I am debating with myself, as you can tell.

Those are my musings, and that is my romantic quandary du jour.

I hope that your week is progressing in a happy manner!

~ Lily

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18 Comments on “Of Crashes, ipads, Costs, and Romantic Overtures…”

  1. You are a beautiful person and you should follow your heart.
    Joy

  2. First let me say, I love my iPad!
    With that said, I still need a computer. The iPad is great for travel, reading books and magazines. I also use it to tweeting and Pinterest, but to write blog posts and e-mails I need the
    real deal.
    Car insurance…(one word) sucks!
    As far as men go…I’m no expert, but its always been my experience that they don’t change much.
    What you see, is what you get!
    However, if you really love him and you feel the relationship is worth working on…give it a shot. He may surprise you! Or you may find you’re willing to love him anyway.
    Like I said Lily…I’m NO expert! (Good luck)

    • lily2u1 says:

      Thank you for the feedback on the iPad, Maggie! Yes, I thought it would be a good backup, and of nice small size.
      Yes, you are right, I can’t expect change even though he says he wants to change. He may, or he may not. So I should probably decide if it might work if he didn’t change. Well, I guess I already did decide that. Hmm, I will have to think more about this. Thank you for the food for thought! I will keep you posted.

      Hope all is well and happy in your corner of the world!

      ~ Lily

  3. As a mere man myself, my advice would be: FOLLOW YOUR HEART! We only have one life so seize the day!
    Tom

    • lily2u1 says:

      My heart is confused, Thomas. I am… mortally indecisive at times. I can’t tell if I don’t want to hurt him, or if I should give him another chance because it might actually be good to do so. My heart is kind of standing back… not leaping… so I suppose that is a sign. I am cautious, at least.
      I’ll try to take your advice, and listen carefully to where my heart wants to go.
      Thank you! ~ Lily

  4. free penny press says:

    Oh the worries and wonders of love.. I am like the others, no expert just sort of experienced..I would have to say you need to ask yourself a few things. Why has he not changed his views before now? People have to change for themselves and not others or else, well you already know where that will go..
    I also say, trust your heart, hear the whispers..There are there..

    I do hope you find the answers 🙂

    • lily2u1 says:

      Thank you, Lynne. That is a good question, about why he has not changed until now, or tried to change.
      Hmmm, yes.

      I will keep you posted, and you do the same! Of course I wish you all the best in your matters of the heart; I wish you Love. ~ Lily

  5. Hi Lily – as far as the computer glitch is concerned you know what I do in those times…call Susie…you should too.

    ipad…big believer…getting one soon my self.

    love…whew now we are onto the tough subjects…I kind of like Thomas’ advice…except some times I couldn’t figure out what my heart wanted…stupid heart…it kept veering all over the emotional landscape.

    Be encouraged!

    • lily2u1 says:

      Thank you, Stephen. Yes, that’s where my heart is, too. Or maybe it is my mind: “on the one hand, but on the other…” Maybe I think too much. Lynne (@ free penny press) said to listen to the whispers of my heart. I am trying to hear those.

      Thank you for the thumbs-up on the ipad, too!
      ~ Lily

  6. janinevasta says:

    Dear Lily. I can’t tell a lie but I could feel my protective (of you;-)) hackles rising as I read this…. Maybe enough said. But I wanted to ask you, if he hadn’t come a-knocking how would you be feeling. Were you missing him? Feeling regretful? I know it’s flattering and wonderful but please don’t undersell your own wonderful self. Don’t settle for second best when what you show us here is a heart worth so much.

    • lily2u1 says:

      I know. I just… sometimes think that I should not expect perfection of anyone else when I am so woefully imperfect myself. Would I rather be alone, or try to be more patient and understanding? On the other hand, maybe it is a compatibility issue. I’m not sure. Thinking about it… and your words. Thank you so much, Janine. I so appreciate your concern, and it does give me pause, which is likely a good thing!
      ~ Lily

      • janinevasta says:

        Dear Lily….I was worried I had said too much. Thank you for your understanding. I am by no means a role model for anyone in matters of the heart!! I would just love to see you not have to compromise the fundamentals so much. It isn’t too much to ask, I don’t think. Jx

  7. It seems you have more than one ‘reasonable doubt’ re: this man.

    Stop, and listen to your heart, your “gut”…from what I’ve read, the heart is telling you everything…sometimes it’s difficult, but one must stop and listen.

    Much love and courage to you, Lily!

  8. lily2u1 says:

    My heart feels conflicted. Maybe I am tired, maybe I am resigned, or maybe I think that I should try harder to make things work, I’m not sure. But surely love and courage will help! Thank you so much for those, and for your words of caution. I shall be careful. I wish that my heart would be… audible.
    I hope all is well and happy,
    ~ Lily

  9. irfriske says:

    Processing thoughts, information, and ideas, you do this quite well, the answers you need most are the ones that come through in your writings to you!

  10. johnstonmr says:

    When it comes to relationships, my heart is stupid. It makes choices based on what feels right, and has gotten me into more trouble than anything else. Just because I loved Ex Number 2 doesn’t mean the relationship was a good thing for me; in fact the opposite is true. So I had to make the choice using my head, which was able to make the distinction between “she wants to change” and “she may want to, but she never will, and this situation is bad for me in the long run.” And now, years later, I’m glad I made that choice. So is my daughter (not related to the Ex).

    The heart is good for some things. Not so much for others. If the heart is conflicted, one should then listen to the brain, which can weigh things logically, or else what good is it?

    I would love to have an iPad; I have friends who love them, and I love all Apple products–but I could never totally replace my computer with one, even if I sprang for the fancy keyboard case.

    I wish I lived in a place where I could give up my car. I love my car, but the expense is absurd, and I’d be quite happy living somewhere that had good public transit systems. Alas, my city, despite being the state capital, has the worst PubTrans system I’ve ever seen in the United States, and buses take far too long to get anywhere.


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