Two Steps Forward, One Step Back… is still a step forward!

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I am feeling small today. I still took care of some paperwork, helped a biker on the way home who had dropped some of his gear, talked with neighbors– but only little things, in the scheme of Life.

Maybe I am feeling Good Friday sadness from my religious roots, something so ingrained that it may be with me always. But, isn’t that appropriate? “I the Lord am with you always” and once baptized into the faith of my birth, always a member. In my mind, I feel part of a wider universe, and the same Supreme Being of my youth is just as inexplicable yet omnipresent. Must be one of Life’s miracles:  to feel held, even while falling.

I remember some things that I had read in my coping-with-divorce book (recommended by Caitlin over at Broadside) that helped, too.  In Crazy Time: Surviving Divorce and Building a New Life,  Abigail Trafford writes of the many emotions and upheavals and says there may be ambivalence, contradictions, and “a wide range of emotions… a psychological switiching station as you swing back and forth between guilt, anger depression, and euphoria.”

It helps to be verified normal.

It seems this would apply to many bumps in the road of Life:

“There’s no question that conflicting feelings make you feel terrible,” says Trafford. “But anxiety is the most fertile emotion for growth and change, therapists point out.”  She says that feeling torn apart is a sign of “coming alive” and a normal part of working through all of the pain and emotions.

Whew.

So, I felt a little better, between reaching down to my core and re-reading that.

I went and blasted some music, some Vaughan Williams Thomas Tallis, and drank some green tea. And watered my plants, and made some plans.

Eh, Life looks up, whenever I stop looking down.

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Wishing all of you strength, perseverance, and joy this Easter/Passover/Spring weekend!

~  Lily

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20 Comments on “Two Steps Forward, One Step Back… is still a step forward!”

  1. DM says:

    ““But anxiety is the most fertile emotion for growth and change,” that really jumped out @ me…and I hope comes back to mind the next time I’m feeling that anxiety knot in my gut. 🙂
    It does help to know I’m normal when I’m going through a roller coaster emotional response to some life situation….

    here’s hoping you have at least one real live, in the flesh human being locally whom you can also share your heart..,..(and drink some green tea together) 🙂 Several years ago I had an emotional crisis unlike anything I’d experienced before…I remember there was one guy who I would get together with weekly and talk…He listened and validated what I was feeling…the power of an empathetic friend to encourage is priceless…

    • lily2u1 says:

      Yes, for me there is something really reassuring in thinking, “I may be crazy, but it’s normal!”

      I tend to be more the listener amongst my friends and family, and everyone seems to have issues and problems these days. Maybe it’s the sun turbulence. (jk, but now that I think of it, who knows! : ) I guess that’s why I’m here, so I can say whatever I feel like saying at my wordpress place. But I am always running into people and having cheering conversations, so that’s good anyway.

      Thanks for stopping by, DM! Enjoy your weekend,
      ~ Lily

  2. Bird says:

    I am sorry you are going through hard times. I am finding writing is very therapeutic with the stuff I’m going through…Keep your head up!

    — Bird

    • lily2u1 says:

      Thank you kindly, Bird!
      I am mostly unsettled right now, and sometimes working through things in my head that I didn’t deal with in the past, I’m sure nothing compared to your stuff. So, wishes back at you!
      You are right about the writing. I find that when I am clear-thinking and brave, I am fine, and writing tends to help with both of those.
      Oh and also– reading some of the interesting, beautiful, thought-provoking, and/or *very funny* writing of others here is very therapeutic as well as a great distraction, I think!
      Happiness to you, Bird. ~ Lily

  3. janinevasta says:

    I think that switching stations you describe is pretty much life as we know it isn’t it? To not be overwhelmed, as I’ve shared with you before dear Lily, I tend to edit judiciously and stay in the driver’s seat as much as I can. But we all have our techniques. Our values and our limitations. Knowing both is key. I share your faith and Good Friday is not an easy day. 😉 Nor should it be, as you say. Classical music is another fantastic balm. Beethoven for me but I love your taste too.
    Buona Pasqua dear Lily!

    • lily2u1 says:

      I listen to Beethoven sometimes, too. I am very mood driven with my listening preferences. Let’s see… oh I sometimes listen to these, amongst other adagios, over and over. They may be up your alley. Well, at least we know that their homeland is!

      Marcello Adagio for oboe, concerto in C minor
      Albinoni Adagio for strings and orch. in G minor

      Bunoa Pasqua, with sunshine and joy, to you and your beautiful daughter!
      ~ Lily

  4. jazfagan says:

    Lily…you are not small, not in any way. Just think of how much your support means to the people who really care about you. That is huge!!!! You are a special person and I know it just from the time and care you take in responding to my posts…Be peaceful Lily….you have a beautiful spirit. Peace Jaz

  5. A wonderful post, Lily.

    to feel held, even while falling
    There’s no question that conflicting feelings make you feel terrible
    Life looks up, whenever I stop looking down

    All so very true.

    Susie says Hi! We hope you have a wonderful weekend.

    Be encouraged!

    • lily2u1 says:

      Aw, Hi to Susie, too! You two have a wonderful weekend, too.

      You culled my two favorite lines : )

      Thank you for your encouragement. Is all well with you? Are you running?
      You and Susie–be well and happy,
      ~ Lily

  6. Brenda Blasingame says:

    I love this statement: “Feeling torn apart is a sign of “coming alive” and a normal part of working through all of the pain and emotions” . Such a completely true statement, hard place to be but a really true part of the journey.

    Thanks for mentioning Passover in your post. I really appreciated it.

    • lily2u1 says:

      Thanks, Brenda, for stopping by and for your thoughtful comment.
      Heh, yes, one has to hope that “working through” means she will eventually Be through with the pain and accompanying emotions.

      I hope you are having a happy and blessed Passover!
      ~ Lily

  7. Brenda Blasingame says:

    I have nominated you for the Inspirational Blogger Award. Please go to my blog page to see the award and complete the process.

    Thank you for your blog and congratulations.

  8. smommy says:

    Oh Lily, I really feel you on this one and all of them actually. When I am feeling weighted, I drop by here and don’t feel the loneliness that invades my heart and happiness. I am so getting that book. I really need to begin rebuilding me. Thank you for this beautiful post!
    K

    • lily2u1 says:

      I feel so sorry for all that you are going through. Well you are definitely not alone. Stop by anytime. Sometimes I think I could use a shrink/therapist to talk out some of the most painful things of the past, do you ever? I just attempt to muddle on as best I can, but sometimes I wish there was a fast-track to get to a better place! I am taking the slow but steady route, as you can see! At least I am getting somewhere, though who knows where that may be.

      Yes, the best part of the book, I think, was that it made me feel within the realm of normal. I probably should have ordered it from a library, you may be able to do that. Thank you for your kind comment and for visiting!

      Have a good week, keep your chin up! ~ Lily

  9. […] Lily at One More Morning wrote about the book Crazy Time: Surviving Divorce and Building a New Life,  Abigail Trafford.  I ordered it on Amazon today.  So today, I have decided once again, to move on and accept this situation and accept that there is no fixing my marriage.  I am hopeful for a new life and that there will be peace in my mind full of unsorted feelings. […]

  10. Mona says:

    You posted this 16 days ago, and I’m reading it now when it fits my life so perfectly today. Right now I’m in the relief stage that I am safe.

  11. lily2u1 says:

    Well thank goodness you are safe! How scary things must have been, you must still be trembling inside. Breathe, breathe from your safe place. Things will work out, you know they will. Hugs and strength to you, Mona!
    ~ Lily


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