Two Steps Forward, One Step Back… is still a step forward!Posted: April 6, 2012
I am feeling small today. I still took care of some paperwork, helped a biker on the way home who had dropped some of his gear, talked with neighbors– but only little things, in the scheme of Life.
Maybe I am feeling Good Friday sadness from my religious roots, something so ingrained that it may be with me always. But, isn’t that appropriate? “I the Lord am with you always” and once baptized into the faith of my birth, always a member. In my mind, I feel part of a wider universe, and the same Supreme Being of my youth is just as inexplicable yet omnipresent. Must be one of Life’s miracles: to feel held, even while falling.
I remember some things that I had read in my coping-with-divorce book (recommended by Caitlin over at Broadside) that helped, too. In Crazy Time: Surviving Divorce and Building a New Life, Abigail Trafford writes of the many emotions and upheavals and says there may be ambivalence, contradictions, and “a wide range of emotions… a psychological switiching station as you swing back and forth between guilt, anger depression, and euphoria.”
It helps to be verified normal.
It seems this would apply to many bumps in the road of Life:
“There’s no question that conflicting feelings make you feel terrible,” says Trafford. “But anxiety is the most fertile emotion for growth and change, therapists point out.” She says that feeling torn apart is a sign of “coming alive” and a normal part of working through all of the pain and emotions.
So, I felt a little better, between reaching down to my core and re-reading that.
I went and blasted some music, some Vaughan Williams Thomas Tallis, and drank some green tea. And watered my plants, and made some plans.
Eh, Life looks up, whenever I stop looking down.
Wishing all of you strength, perseverance, and joy this Easter/Passover/Spring weekend!