Walk This Way…

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Do you do this, or is it just me?

Oftentimes when I walk, I find myself walking to the rhythm of a song or music. I don’t plan it, music just pops into my head.  The songs or music reflect my mood, similar to how some of you put a song in your post that goes along with the topic du jour.

Sometimes one line plays over and over in my head, one appropriate line. Like, Steady As She Goes for instance. I must have needed steadying, that day. Or maybe I was proud to be feeling steady, who knows.

Today, post breakup, walking out there on my own, I found myself humming as I walked down the street, not even knowing what song. Da da da daaaa daa…  and then eventually a line of lyrics came, and I very happily walked along to them:

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Yes, I had to laugh,  Don’t Make Me Over.  That first line says it well: I just want to be accepted as I am, just as we all do. Even with all of the skeletons in the closet, I think I am OK.  Sensitivities and quirks and all.

I can’t erase anything, can’t re-write or re-do, but I’m not dead yet and I have a lot of life left to live. It pains me more to read of other people’s heartaches and horrendous lives than of my own, and you know, I think it is because we have to live with our own tragedies and so one way or another such things became our stories, incorporated into our lives, for better or worse. It was the only life we had. We got through, and here we are.

All around me I see good kind people who have been through life’s battles, and I see that they have not only survived but are people of compassion, sensitivity, and strength. This isn’t the bequest of tragedy, but the gift of resilience of our beautiful souls to persist after tragedy, to crawl or stand up and maybe even eventually dance, however we manage it.

I felt shame for a long while. Maybe in some ways I still carry a little of that. There are some things I never talk about, some things I keep close. This is in part because I appear so “normal” (at least in real life) and it makes me happy that I am that way, not a simpering victim. I remember when I was a little girl and adults would whisper sometimes–oh poor little girl. Or, worse, when a boyfriend’s hoity mother thought my family background was too questionable: how would an engagement announcement read? So, you know, under-the-radar sometimes seemed easier.

Now I don’t wear anything on my sleeve, at least not outside of cyberspace. Yes, here there is some venting, I suppose. But, I think I have become more at ease with all of the pieces of my life. I have held them together at some times better than at others.  Yes, I think about the past and carry around some lessons, some longings, some pain. When I look back, it is often with amazement, and tenderness: How did I take that? How did I cope? How did I survive? The same way we all do, however we muddle through, rise above, carry on, or just–as I usually did–put one foot in front of the other.

Looking back makes me grateful for all that I have now. Reflection makes me appreciate how far I have come and who I am.

Going forward into the unknown is scary, but thrilling, and sometimes I laugh to myself that the reason I live so simply is because I already have so much baggage. But hey– don’t make me over. Accept me as I am, a person with a past who has a future.

If you have any good walking songs, please forward to me.

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22 Comments on “Walk This Way…”

  1. kyllingsara says:

    I love music and think the world would be a lesser place without it. I often dance just because. You’ve probably noticed that a lot of my blog titles are songs. Your post reminded me of something; I need to go dig up my favorite CD (I know, who listens to CDs anymore?). As always, Lily, your writings are beautiful. I’m having yet another off-day. Nothing serious, just – off.

    Cyber hugs and spring flowers,

    Sara

    • lily2u1 says:

      Yes, I am a dancer too, I dance when I am happy, which is most of the time : )
      And yes, I’ve noticed your music, you and a couple of others I know regularly incorporate it. I don’t know where I would be without music (among other things).
      I’m sorry that you are having an off day. I have off days sometimes, too. Afterwards they work as contrast to appreciate the good days, I suppose, but that doesn’t make them any easier to take. If I had all of your emotional upheaval, I’m sure I’d have off days, I’m sure I’d be less graceful than you. I’d blast some music…
      Take good care of yourself, be gentle on yourself. Hope you feel better soon! Thank you for visiting!
      ~ Lily

      • kyllingsara says:

        One thing’s for sure: I will never ever in a million years be auditioning on SYTYCD. Not unless they need one for their gag-reel. 😀

        I think I’m especially off today since it feels as if I might be coming down with something. A very positive thing about having insiders is that I can actually tell them not to let me get sick, and I don’t. I get sick once a year, and that’s typically it.

        I’m going to take your advice on it and blast some music in the car on my way home. Any musical suggestions?

        Sara

        • lily2u1 says:

          The first song that came to mind (for its title–for you, Sara!) is Heart Full of Soul, Yardbirds.
          ~ Lily

        • lily2u1 says:

          Here is a song that I listen to when I want empathy, but it is a little melancholy in tone, so maybe don’t listen when really down.
          I heard it on the radio a couple of years ago, although it is not a new song. A water song, I love water songs. Actually, I will put it in a post so that anyone who wants to can listen. Stay tuned. Take care of your pending cold, yes chase it away!
          ~ Lily

  2. Lashings of empathy, Lily – you’re a class act!
    Tom

  3. The amazing aspect of the internet, which I love, is how it allows us to be who we really are. We can write the words that truly tell what is going on within us. There is no need to shadow our words with all types of hidden meanings. We don’t feel the need to couch our writings behind selective life barriers. We can be free.

    Now here is the trick…let us start doing the same in life. Let us bare our dreams to each other. Let our virtual selves (which it some weird way is actually our real selves) be the selves we are in actual life. Let us be free.

    Be encouraged!

    • lily2u1 says:

      I am the same self, I bare my dreams, just not so much my past ; ) but your being free– yes, free to be our true selves is the best way to be. I am still discovering my true self.
      I would seem quieter in real life because I can write on and on here, but I am a good listener in real life.
      Will work on discovering, in order to be free.
      Thank you for the encouragement, as always,
      ~ Lily

  4. free penny press says:

    I could post a huge comment but will simply say like you I have survived what by all rights should have physically & emotionally killed me.. By the grace of something I am here, smiling, excited and know the remainder of my days on this planet will be filled with what I choose..I choose love, joy, giving , compassion..
    so Music huh? Hmm I like snappy songs and am a bit of a hipster and like Arcade Fire…

    • lily2u1 says:

      Ah I like your style, Lynne! And I love your choices: “love, joy, giving, compassion..”
      I listen to all sorts of music, and I go through phases. Have been kind of classical and bluesy lately, and before that I was early Brit rock. Maybe I should walk to “Ready to Start”? Parts of it would work, and I’ll take the title. : )
      ~ Lily

  5. irfriske says:

    Wondeful stuff, you are carefully moving,and deciding who you are and how you are going to be. Perfect steps forward!

  6. Here, here Lily!

    When I’m out walking and I hear James Morrison’s, ‘Undiscovered’ on my ipod, it always makes me feel good. Really listen to the words…

  7. Try Sting’s “Brand New Day”..fast-paced for a good ‘walk-ercise’!

    • lily2u1 says:

      Oh that will be great. Such an upbeat song, tempo and lyrics both, perfect for walking. “We’re starting up a brand new day”…!
      Yes, sometimes songs reflect my mood, and sometimes I acquire attitude from them. Why not? Thank you for your thoughtfulness!
      ~ Lily

  8. janinevasta says:

    Lily! Vulnerability is absolutely the new black. I think it’s what the world needs now and you are a beautiful shining star. I would love you to listen to the Italian diva, Mina. She has seen it all, sung it all and she is amazing. I love her rendition of Oggi sono io (“Today I’m being me”…rough translation) All about getting up the courage to declare love to the object of one’s desires.

    A hug, Janine

    • lily2u1 says:

      “Vulnerability is the new black”! Oh that is priceless! That should at least be a post title someday!

      Grazie for the song! My favorite part is when Mina changes the tempo with Such feeling, and my favorite part of the lyrics is this:

      “I’d rather be here by myself/ than in a fake company/ and if I’ll really be flying/ I’ll wait for love and there will be love.” Yes.

      I hope that those lyrics are correct; I had to find an English translation as my Italian is not very good. It gets better when I am immersed.

      Thank you so much, Janine! You are so very thoughtful.

      Peace, joy, song in your heart!

      ~ Lily

      • janinevasta says:

        I am touched you went to the trouble of an English translation Lily. I didn’t know there would be one but of course there was… It gives you a feel I hope although they are never the original, are they. Mina is an inspiration. She gets so much across. Even though the song isn’t hers she makes it her own. I like that line too by the way. Being in fake company is never a good look. We know.


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