This is a good week for Miracles …

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This seems an appropriate week to talk about miracles.

I’ve never claimed to have all of the answers. I had a religious upbringing and am a spiritual person. I’m open to the possibilities of all that I know, as well as of all that I do not know. The universe is a wide and wondrous place.

Depending upon your religious or spiritual background and beliefs, you may already believe in miracles. Faith is believing even when cerebral reason thinks otherwise.

I’ve written about Miracles here before. I’m going to do so again. I especially send this out to all of you who are are struggling, depressed, or feeling stuck in dismal situations. That was how I felt at the time this happened. I can’t exactly explain it so I’ll just report it as best I can. Some things are uncanny and sometimes coincidences and serendipity are our life preservers, or maybe just maybe there truly are miracles.

I’ll let you think what you will, but hopefully this will give you hope if you need it, or at least food for thought if you care to read of the possibilities and weirdnesses of life.

A little background, and my apologies to those of you who have been reading here from the beginning and know some of this:

I had a difficult marriage. It was my fault that I got married when I did. I should not have. I will forever have guilt for that, but I don’t regret how I stayed in the marriage as best I could for as long as I could have. I really tried, I persevered, I was the best wife and parent I could have been, my children are wonderful and I love them. But… it was bad, right from the beginning. The red flags of control were there, and then its heavy hand, among other things. If I had not been so young, so trusting, I might have seen the warning signs, and if I had not been so shattered going into my marriage, I might have known what the whole of me needed in a relationship. I am sorry and regret that I didn’t see and didn’t know.

I held myself together, more or less, but I knew that I had to get out eventually. I had been kept down for so long that Stockholm syndrome sounded familiar.  I had gotten to the point where I so inwardly trembled that I couldn’t even concentrate enough to lose myself in my usual refuge of music and books, let alone could I create anything at all. Maybe parts of me were already dead.  I didn’t have anyone or anyplace to turn. I felt so alone, and so scared. That feeling of standing on the edge of a cliff? Yes, I knew that feeling. I might die if I stayed, or I might die if I didn’t. I couldn’t see ahead, at all. I felt so alone in my heart.

I was alone in the house, too. It was quiet, still, and dimming toward evening. I wasn’t much of a crier, had gone through whole decades in the past when I hadn’t been able to cry at all, but I couldn’t contain myself any longer. I went to bed and sobbed.

I sobbed for hours.

And then, when I was all cried out and felt as if nothing much was left in me, I did what I had done at other times in my life when all had seemed lost: I prayed.

I grew up praying, mostly in a casual way day to day, mostly prayers of gratitude and light conversation with my God, but this– this was a plaintive prayer of desperation. I prayed, over and over, like a mantra:

“Please dear Lord, please send me a miracle. Please show me what I should do. Please Lord, I am so afraid, please send me a miracle, I am so afraid…”

(I know. What a wimp!)

I fell asleep on my wet pillowcase in the midst of my praying.

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I awoke suddenly, the light too bright, the music too loud. The first thing I heard was:       “Believe in miracles… I’ve a feeling it’s time to try…”

What?

It was startling to awake to those words, to the music blaring from the radio next to me. It took me a moment to get my bearings. Had I left the radio on? No. I hadn’t had it on. So, the alarm on the radio must have been set to a music station, and must have gone off. Odd time for that, in the middle of the night; it was maybe midnight or one a.m. Who would have set an alarm for then? No one in my house, not purposely anyway.

I sat up in bed, listening to Fleetwood Mac, puzzling over this odd coincidence.

Had I just happened to wake up at the precise moment to hear that appropriate line of the song? Or, I thought maybe I had heard the song in my sleep and awakened because I had subconsciously anticipated the word “miracle”. That made sense to me. That was a possibility. So, a strange coincidence, maybe.

It was as if Someone heard my doubts and confusion. It was as if Someone thought: “That wasn’t enough of a clue for you, woman? OK then, take this–”

The phone rang.

It was my cell phone, charging next to my bed.  This sound too was startling, and I felt a quiver of panic: who would call me at this hour, in the middle of the night? Not only was the late hour a concern, but the only people who had my cell phone number were a few immediate family members, amongst them my children. Mostly I used my cell to communicate with them. And, because I was a mother, I was quickly worried about my kids… calling at this hour… because they didn’t, and wouldn’t… unless there was an emergency…

My heart was pounding in my chest as I answered the phone: “Hello. Hello?”

No answer. Oh dear Lord!

“Hello? Hello?” I could hear something, but no one was answering me. I listened closely: I heard my son’s voice (I felt panic). I heard him laugh (and panic subsided somewhat). I heard him saying his name, again and again, and then someone else repeated it, and then son said it yet again to correct the mispronunciation of the other person.

I was listening to a conversation like a fly on a wall.

I was listening to an introduction, my son (then away at university) to someone else. My son couldn’t hear me. He must have… butt called me on his cell phone? He had never done that before, never has done it since.

Odd timing, to say the least. Not only that, but what I heard, over and over, was his voice and his name.

To me, this meant something, this was significant. The thing is, I have only to hear my son’s name and I think: Miracle.

This is because he was a baby who was not supposed to live. The head of obstetrics at our hospital had given him no chance of even being born.  Zero/zip/nada.  I won’t go into all of the details here, but when that baby was born, and born fine and healthy, the first thing that the doctor said when he put him in my arms was: “I want you to know that this baby is a miracle.”

And the last time that I had been in despair was when I was told that there was “no chance” for my baby. What I did then, after I sobbed myself empty, was to pray.

It seemed I had answers to my prayers of despair, twice. This time I’d had a reminder of the other, as if Someone had said, “Don’t you remember? Nothing is impossible.”

When I hung up the cell phone, I didn’t feel so weak. I certainly didn’t feel so alone. I felt calmed, and I felt strong and determined for the first time in years. I knew what I had to do.

The next day I learned that my son had been at a party, meeting a girl from another country, and who knows how he happened to call me.

I only know that he did, and when he did.

Coincidence, serendipity, or minor miracle. Take your pick.

.

Happy Easter to all who celebrate Easter–may miracles brighten your lives; Happy Spring if you have been awaiting spring; Joy to all of you, wherever you may be; and Hope–to all of you who may need it …                                                                                                                                           

 ~ Lily

 
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20 Comments on “This is a good week for Miracles …”

  1. Wow, I believe I just experienced a little déjà vu…
    I too, married a man I knew I shouldn’t have and was stuck in a bad relationship for years.
    Incredible events changed my life…I believe in miracles…

    • lily2u1 says:

      I am sorry to hear of your years of being in a bad relationship,
      but so happy to hear that your life is changed. Thank you for your
      empathy and hurray for miracles!

      ~ Lily

  2. free penny press says:

    Our stories are similar and yes I believe in the power of our universe..I literally went from a life of pain to one of joy overnight all due to a phone call too (another story one day). So embrace & rejoice..
    I never plug my blog, but do think you will like my post today..
    Joyful Easter & spring season to you too!!!
    Lynne

    • lily2u1 says:

      Thank you so much Lynne, especially for sending me over to your post, so inspirational.
      I am always sorry to hear when someone has been through similar, but it is wonderful to hear of the newfound joy, projects, and direction. How well you have done!
      Wishing you continued joy,
      ~ Lily

  3. Our lives have been similar, so I thank you for today’s very inspiring post.

    Also…love the stunning self-portrait, Lily! 😉

  4. Yamyah says:

    Thank you for sharing a piece of your heart~ I’m happy that you opened to the Universe when you were desperate….so many turn away when they are experiencing pain. I’ve never been married but i experienced 21 years of very abusive relationships and lack of Love from both of my parents, from my father mostly who just died recently. I know you said you feel guilty for making the choice to marry that person, but please,do remember your light helped him on a spiritual level. And when we help another, we truly are helping ourselves…we are each others.

    Love and hugs xx

    • lily2u1 says:

      Thank you, Yamyah. I am sorry to hear of your hardships. You are certainly right about the value and affect of helping others. Thank you for taking the time to read such a long post, and to write your kind thoughts here. Kindness, love, and hugs always help. I wish the same to you,
      ~ Lily

  5. irfriske says:

    Absolutely perfect, I so know where you have been and where you are headed in learning to trust, ask, believe, recieve and give thanks. You are so wonderful and deserving. All these steps triumphantly allowing you to get clear about what you don’t want, find the gems of wonder that show how great you are and then build a life that fits all of you in your new place of understanding! Excellent! 🙂

    • lily2u1 says:

      You make me smile, Cat. You are so encouraging. You and others who are a few steps ahead of me are so inspirational. As always, thank you!
      ~ Lily

  6. love212 says:

    I have nominated you for the versatile blogger award. You can read more about it here http://love212.org/2012/04/03/ive-been-nominated-versatile-blogger-award/

    Elena x

  7. lily2u1 says:

    Thank you so much, Elena. I am honored to be nominated.

    Wishing you joy,
    Lily

  8. Hello Lily, and a very Happy and Blessed Easter to you! It is quite amazing how God answers our prayers just the way we need them to be….in ways in which we understand if we just pay attention…the miracles that come into our lives: your son’s name. How truly miraculous. And at this time of Easter, another miracle is at work, one in which we hear of the greatest gift of forgiveness…the man next to Jesus who says, “You have done nothing wrong,” and then Jesus says in reply, “Today you will be with me in paradise.” Sometimes God invites us to let go of our guilt, because God’s miracles of forgiveness and love have greater power, and they have a greater force if we replace guilt with them.
    Blessings always, Erin

    • lily2u1 says:

      Thank you for your wishes, Erin! I do think the Lord may forgive me more easily than I forgive myself, at least I hope so, but you’re right, it is always better to concentrate on the positive, like Love!
      Peace and joy to you,
      ~ Lily

  9. janinevasta says:

    So glad you got yourself out of the dark Lily. I knew there must have been something at the core like that, even though I’m quite new to the blog… Still it’s not what happens to us so much as how we respond that really matters. I was told that recently and it has helped me so I share it when I can! It amazes me you have the faith to go out and try again. Really try and trust. I admire you. I took the other route and closed down my heart. That was years ago. But I had a miracle of sorts come along too. A voice from the past – the love of my life – called one day out of the blue. Right in the depths of my despair. How did he know?

    Buona Pasqua Lily and thank you. Until next time.

    • lily2u1 says:

      The love of your life called out of the blue! Whether you ended up with him or whether he alighted for a time to restore your hope and open your heart, it is sublimely wonderful! You give me hope for… something! I have only been here wordpressing for 2 or 3 wks, so you have not missed much. Thank you as always for your encouragement and kindness. Wishing you joy, peace, and love,
      ~ Lily

  10. StillValerie says:

    Thanks for sharing such a transformational life story, Lily!

    May all the blessings of new life, new beginnings and new hopes be yours this Easter season.

  11. Hi Lily,

    As I dab the tears from my eyes I am reminded of why I always smile when I get an email notifying me you have a new post…I love the raw, honest, pure voice with which you write. I sincerely hope you find an over abundance of peace and love…that it may rain down on you…overflowing.

    Yhank you again, Lily, and as always…be encouraged!

    • lily2u1 says:

      Thank you so much! That was such a long post to wade through too. It is difficult for me to be concise sometimes when I want to write a whole chapter. (Raw–ha yes, I do feel as if I have been left raw to the bone, sometimes!) Thank you for your patience, and as always for the encouragement! Peace and joy,
      ~ Lily


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