Bye Bye Love?Posted: March 24, 2012
One of my struggles of late has been whether to stay or to go from a relationship with someone who is a wonderful person, but increasingly hasn’t seemed like the right person for me, in a romantic relationship.
We all understand the distinction. There are some friends you could never live with, some you’d never date, but you like them and have fun times, you have good talks or meet on whatever common ground.
It is difficult to know how many little differences are too many. Am I not accepting enough? Maybe I am too picky.
Maybe it comes down to discerning whether our differences are the spices of life or are too many for comfort.
When I say good-bye, I may find no one better, in so many ways. I may be lonely again. I may be lonely forever. As much as I have learned to enjoy my own company at times, life is so much more fun when shared with someone special.
So, there is fear again, my old friend fear. If my children feared leaving boyfriends or girlfriends because they thought they would not find anyone better (for them), I’d scoff and tell them otherwise. It is a big world out there, full of wonderful people.
But, having been in a long lonely marriage, it is scary for me to say good-bye to someone who has been the best company I have had in a long while, someone with whom I have had wonderful times. I don’t even want to say anything bad about him, I’d feel guilty, but here is an interlude, if you’d care to look over my shoulder:
After the Basketball Game.
I asked could we please not talk politics,
it never ends well and after such a stressful day…
but you talked politics on and on anyway,
driving without your car blinker, much to the distress of other drivers,
and I was oh so sea sick by the time we arrived, appetite devoid,
but at least you ran no red lights, this time.
You asked repeatedly would I like this or that,
Shrimp or ribs?
In all this time please tell me that you
have at least learned that I eat neither of those.
When I implored you to please just get what you wanted,
you asked me yet again, and finally I said,
“Several times (more than several times…)
I have suggested that you get whatever you would like,”
but Again you said you’d like to share.
“you always have half of mine,
the half that I do not finish. Please…”
But undoubtedly I was tired and worried and
Should have perhaps done things your way.
I should have been more patient.
You rushed through dinner and hurried home
so that you could watch sports,
as you have done, in one way or another, our last three-weeks
of evenings together,
which, I must admit, is not necessarily too much,
just too much for me,
even though you did kindly inquire (as to my day and my family)
After you had watched the basketball game.